I’m pretty lucky in the fact that I SCORED in the spousal department. I hope you feel the same way. I think that most of us felt that way at one point or we wouldn’t have committed to this whole together forever thing. After I was engaged I was talking to a friend about my excitement and asking for advice. She said, “Marriage takes work.”

Sure… Yah… Okay… I don’t get it.

It was no work at all being smitten by Mr. Average, although I still think Hunk-a-licious or maybe Mr Extraordinaire would be more appropriate. As time went on, the world kept spinning. things got busy, real life set in, and we both realized, “oh, this does take work.”

It takes work to remember to keep each other first. It takes work to express yourself to be understood, and to listen with the intent to understand. It takes work to bite your tongue and resist from spewing hurtful words that cannot be “unspewed”.  It takes work to not have to be right all the time (for some that takes more work than others … eh hem … that would be me). Marriage takes work.

There are some universally known ways to “work on your marriage” <wink, wink>, and I want to share a few other ideas we use here.

There is a lot of information about color coded personalities, love languages, intelligences, and all of the different ways you need to let someone know they are loved and appreciated. Personally, I have a hard time putting all of it into practice. I want a simple way to show the one I love, that I love them and think they are ah-may-zing!! These are some things we do.

Love

We hold hands. Hopefully you’re thinking – “Duh! Every couple holds hands.” And hopefully they do. Hopefully YOU do. If you don’t, do. If you do, do it more. Holding hands keeps you close. It can help to pull down walls. It reminds you to be together physically, mentally and emotionally. I love to see a couple, well beyond the newlywed years, holding hands. It give me a sense of solidarity, of security, of staying-power. It makes me think that they still actually love each other and want to be close. Go figure. When you’re walking, hold hands. When you’re sitting, hold hands. Watching tv? Hand holding. Driving? Hand holding. Eating out? Eating in? Hold hands. Talking to neighbors? Hold each other’s hands. Is it too hot to snuggle? Hold the hand of the one you love. My Grandpa would make the grandchildren blush when he asked if there was any “pre-marital inter-digitation” happening with a new crush. By golly, I hope there is a lot of post-marital inter-digitation happening!

We love to read together! We love finding a good series and following it to the end. One of our favorites so far has been Fablehaven by Brandon Mull. It’s considered a children’s literature fantasy series – yup, children’s lit – and we loved it!! We were in the middle of the series and finished book two around 11:30pm. It was a Friday night (and we didn’t yet have children that would wake us up at the break of dawn) so, giddy with excitement appropriate for a children’s lit fantasy series, we hopped in the car, raced to the local store to snatch up the next book, along with a few treats, and rushed home to snuggle together and get back to reading. Our reading together goes in spurts. We’ll find a good book, or series, or an author we especially enjoy, and we’ll read. When days get long, when sleep comes at a premium, when life is extremely hectic, this kind of reading together just doesn’t happen. But it is something we love and it provides much needed time together.

We surprise each other. Not at the end of a dark hallway surprise (someone he WILL get punched), or in the middle of an intense movie jump-out-of-your-seat surprise (again, punched), but an unexpected note trapped under a windshield wiper, placed while the other was at work kind of surprise. A note left in the car to be found the next day is such a nice way to start a commute. Knowing where they will be for lunch or for a playdate is a perfect opportunity to make a surprise visit. A favorite candy or treat is an inexpensive way to let one know the other was thinking about them. Surprise!

The last thing I’ll share is something we’ve only implemented in the last 6 months. We have an embroidered “I love you because…” in a small picture frame sitting next to our sink in the bathroom. We keep a dry erase marker with it and write little reasons we love each other on it. Typically I’ll write something on it at night and Mr Average will wake up in the morning, read it, smile, laugh, maybe blush (I don’t get too many of those but I try), erase it and leave a “love note” for me. We have had serious, tear jerking notes, funny, gut-busting notes, “we’re-lucky-the-kids-can’t-read-yet” notes, but always a positive note to share about the other person. It’s an opportunity to lift, reassure, encourage, and build upon our relationship. Never are the notes sarcastic, mean, or passive-aggressive. They are always meant to love and strengthen. 6 months. Roughly 180 days. 180 things written about me and about him that remind us why we love each other.

Marriage is work. Marriage is also worth the work. Falling into love can be unexpected, accidental, or even happen without any kind of effort. Staying in love on the other hand is a conscious decision, a priority that requires time, effort and sacrifice. To remain in love is not a passive experience. To remain in love requires that two people decide to work on, talk about, invest in, and make their love and marriage a priority. So marriage takes work? Yup, it does. But anything worth having is worth working for!

How do you work on your marriage? What things to you do to stay close to your special someone? Let me know! I’d love to hear your ideas!

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Image: Love, by Summer Skies 11 at flikr.com Some rights reserved, see license for more information; Use of this image does not indicate affiliation or promotion of any kind by artist

Image: Fablehaven box set by Amazon.com

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