Anytime we have a large family get together, inevitably there is an adult table and a kid table. As the youngest in the extended family grow into the not so young the dynamic of the kids table changes. As of right now in our extended family it is very much a kid-kids table. It is a table of little ones who need supervision, help with spills, reminders to eat, to be kind, and keep your hands to yourself (i.e. out of your cousin’s nose). It’s always a party.

Last night at dinner I was reflecting on our dinner table, the kids table. Mr. Average and I do not have the luxury of “an adult” table right now. But that’s ok. It just means what is heard around the table is a lot of  “please eat – keep your hands to yourself – feet off the table – you need to take four more bites” oriented. I had siblings who into their late-late teen years were still relegated to the “kids table.” And such is life sometimes. Then again, sometimes the kids table is where the fun is and where you want to be. Even so, I started to wondered at what point do you graduate from the kids table? How do you know you’ve made it to the adult table, or at least should have a place there, even if you don’t. Here’s a checklist to help you know, in case you are wondering.

1. You don’t have to take a bite of everything

As my children grow so does their ability to discriminate between yummy looking food and, uh, not so yummy looking. It’s more than a little frustrating to make dinner,  lay my offering on the table, only to have the majority of the family snub their nose at it. Mr. Average has always been good about eating whatever and then afterwards confessing “You know, I was a little apprehensive about this or that,” and luckily we’ve only had to dispose of a couple attempts. So our rule is – for the children – you must taste it. We preface the requirement with “You can decide ‘Oh! I like this’ or ‘Oh! I don’t like this’ but you must try. We get about a 50/50 response. But you know you’re ready to graduate when you can decide not yummy looking food is not food you want to risk.

2. You eat dessert first

Or snack selectively test taste while dinner is being made. Ah, the joys of being tall enough to swipe food off the counter, or having the dexterity to get past the lock on the refrigerator.

3. Shoes are not required outside

My children know that in order to go outside they must have shoes on. (In fact it kind of backfired when I took them to run a quick, stay in the car kind of errand and Tudders didn’t have his shoes. He wailed for 35 minutes straight, in the close confinement of a vehicle and once we were home.) I on the other hand have the luxury of getting the mail barefoot. I may opt for socks, and although I don’t recommend it for your footwear budget, I don’t have someone telling me to put shoes on. Expect that little voice in my head that sounds a lot like my mom.

4. You get to have a drink before you go to bed
   

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At our house we have a cut off time for drinks for anyone who wears underwear to bed. After that time there are no cups of water, sips, or last drink before bed. Mostly because I don’t want the extra laundry. But I get to take my water bottle to bed with me. Ah, the joys of qualifying for the adult table, and the midnight potty breaks. Maybe there is some wisdom to a drink cut off time.

Speaking of potty breaks, you know that you are advancing to the adult table when

5. You can pee in any position you choose (as long as it makes it in the toilet)

Especially with boys. In our house (again, in an attempt to avoid the extra mess) there is a specific way you must use the toilet. Sitting. And sometimes sitting facing the tank. It is a pretty big day when you graduate to sitting forward or -gasp- standing. We haven’t had a child graduate to standing yet. That is OK by me!

6. You are in control of how long you shower/bathe

Bath time is always proceeded with “is today a fun bath or a fast bath?” Fun baths are usually Dad’s forte, Mom is more fast and furious. Well, not always furious. But that is one indicator that you are moving to the adult table: you get to decide how fast or fun your cleansing experience will be. Well, for the most part. Those who occupy the kid’s table may be pounding at the door, yelling through the lock, or causing all sorts of havoc outside of the four walls of the bathroom, but they are not going to come in and lift you out of the tub or literally pull you from the shower. But you do get to decide whether it will be a shower or a bath amidst the pestering – uh, love. Really growing up is all about the important things.

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And while we’re talking bathing…

7. There is always the option for bubbles in the bath

Always.

And a book, or a movie if you are lucky enough to view a television from your soaking sanctuary.

Or a nap. Naps are nice. Which leads me to number seven.

8. You don’t fight the nap anymore

In fact, you try to squeeze one in, or just disappear for a (few) twenty minute spell(s). Definitely a mark of maturity when you start longing for, dare I say dreaming about, a nap.

And maybe finally realizing the pleasure of the all elusive nap is the crux of our last indicator of appropriate table assignment, that being:

9. You become aware of and grateful for all the work that took place before either table was set

Especially during the holidays there are many gatherings and for us that means many meals together at which there are adult and kid tables. It takes a lot of work to put these things together. I always knew that but I think only recently did I bother processing what that meant for those at the adult table. They have late nights, early mornings, stress, shopping, baking, planning, cleaning, preparing, sacrificing, and more. At the end of it all they have a smile on their face, exhaustion in their bones, and more to do once the crowds have left. Over the last couple years I have become more aware, and yet not fully still, of all that those at the adult table do.

Thank you to all of you who occupy the adult tables at our gatherings. You do so much! And although I have claimed a place at the adult table for years now I know I have not given you the thanks I should. So thank you! You are extraordinary!

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Image 1: summer kids camp ’08 578, saritarobinson at flickr.com; Some rights reserved, see license for more information;

Image 2: thirsty, Alfonso Pierantonio at flickr.com; Some rights reserved, see license for more information;

Image 3: piggies., Jill Allyn Stafford at flickr.com; Some rights reserved, see license for more information;