Otherwise titled: Why I (try to) Now Look Forward to Everything Falling Apart

Have I mentioned how average we are? We have good days and bad days. We have days that are the model of parenthood perfection – or maybe just moments of days that reflect good efforts – and days that are the poster child for “mommy-hood fail.” And you know what? That’s okay.

A few months ago I was walking with a friend and our combined 8 children. We each had a double stroller with children occupying each seat and she had 4 additional children on bikes or other things with wheels. It’s the middle of June (the Tuesday after Father’s day) so I dressed my children in shorts and short sleeves. I wish it had been as easy as simply “dressing my children” because today it was not. We had four meltdowns, two from each child, in the twenty minutes before we left.

We loaded into the stroller, which I love using! Ready for a major tangent? If not, just skip this whole paragraph. It’s a bit like an info-mercial – QVC: I’m your gal! We love our stroller! We use to have this kind and although it’s been discontinued you can still find a similar style by the same company. That one and the one we have now have a lot of the same features – swivel/locking front wheel (the key to a great jogging/walking stroller), 5-point harness, large storage area under the stroller, separately reclining seats, easily removable wheels, like SO EASY.  The one we have now is missing a few of the old features we liked – the bar across the front, the big easily accessible storage pocket in the back, removable seat pads for easy cleaning, one foot braking system, covered peek-a-boo window on visor, one-hand collapse system – but has a few different features we love – adjustable visor (so it actually shades the riders and really the reason we changed strollers), cup holders and closed storage compartment attached to the handle for user, small mesh storage pockets for riders, zippered pockets on the back of the seats. But like I said: amazing strollers! Now, when you look at the price tag I wouldn’t blame you if you thought “Average my hiney! Josie must be rollin’ because we – who actually are average – would never, nay, could never spend that much on a stroller!” and I wouldn’t blame you one bit. Because, gulp! They are pricey! But I got both of these from our local classifieds for WAY less than retail. Like W-A-Y less. I even found a stroller like our old one at our local second hand store for even less that what I paid for the ones in the classifieds (and in better shape)! Both strollers from the classifieds needed a good cleaning and a repair in the same place on the seats but that work was easily worth it. If you are in the market for a good double stroller – even if you’re not going to run, jog, shuffle, with it – look for a used one with nice, big, bicycle-like wheels, a swivel/locking front wheel to boot. The wheels makes ALL the difference.

Okay, back to “our regularly scheduled program”. Loading into the stroller and head out to meet up with our friends who are waiting for us at the end of the street. We are late so, even though it’s a little chilly and remember my boys are dressed like it’s 80+ degrees outside, I keep walking and just know that it’s going to warm up, or at least not get any worse. We are not 100 yards away and we already have a few crying children. We should have known, it was a sign of how the rest of the walk would go. Children falling off bikes, children with cold hands, children who want to get out of the stroller,  children who want to ride in the stroller, children who want to be held, who want to run, who want to eat, who want something to drink. Tears, scrapes, snot, coughs and that was before it started to rain.

Yes, it started to rain.

I ended up with Tudders in a ring sling (thank goodness I threw it in the stroller before we left) and tried to keep him shielded from the weather with the tail, Mister in the stroller with one of our friend’s children bundled in their blanket, which luckily they brought and were willing to share with this unprepared mother. My friend ended up holding her youngest on her hip (we need to make her a ring sling), having two of her children in her stroller, a bike-like contraption draped across the top of the stroller by the handle bars, and two more riding their bikes home, with rain (maybe a few tears) dripping down their faces. And then the wind picked up.

Yup, rain, wind, probably 50 degrees. It’s June 16th. JUNE SIXTEENTH.

I mentioned something about the craziness of this, the chaos, and the disaster it turned out to be when my friend taught me a lesson I needed to learn, and need to learn to implement. She said, “You know, I love these kinds of days. I love it when everything falls apart, when it spirals into chaos. When nothing goes right. I guess maybe it’s just my personality or maybe because I grew up that way, but I love it. It is in those times when some of the best memories are made. It’s in the disasters that bonds are forged.”

oh. my. word.

You mean I can go outside with my children totally underdressed and therefore cold and complaining, I can forget to bring snacks and drinks to keep them happy, I can have them in and out and in the stroller again and again, and then Mother Nature can decide to test our motherly patience and ingenuity, and it’s all okay? Not only okay, it can even the highlight of the week? It was like someone parted the clouds and a single ray of sunshine warmed my cold frustrated heart. It was okay. It wasn’t the end of the world. My children would recover, and hey I may even get some extra snuggles in today because of it.

Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in my own unmet expectations. I expect my house to look a certain way. I expect my children to behave a certain way. I expect the weather to cooperate and for my daily walk to go a certain way. These expectations steal the joy that is to be found in real life. When I become disappointed and frustrated because life is not going according to my expectations, I miss out on the joy, the love, the bonds to be forged from what is happening my actual life.

Yes, we all have “those” days. Maybe several in a row. And you know what? It’s okay. It won’t always be a disaster. The rain will eventually stop. The wind will eventually die down. The sun will eventually break through the clouds. But while you’re waiting, take it easy. Find a way to chuckle at it. Sear it into your memory because “you can look back on it one day and laugh,” only if you remember it. And by then we’ll be able to see, “it really is okay.”