Maybe it’s ironic, maybe it’s expected, but I have a love/hate relationship with blogs. I love that I can connect with people that I would never know any other way. I love that I can learn from someone else things that I wouldn’t be able to otherwise, from people I wouldn’t be able to meet. I love that my vision is expanded, I’m gifted insights from others, and get to feel of the encouragement of others who are going through or have gone through similar aspects of life.

The problems that come for me with reading other blogs show up in the form of debilitating comparisons of my life to someone else’s. I find myself wishing my life away into another stage (previous to the one I’m in now, or a stage that is yet to come). Did I say that comparisons are a problem? I also find myself setting unrealistic expectations for myself in “my today”. I feel pressure to live like someone else, in a house that someone else decorated, doing laundry in another person’s laundry room, with someone else’s children listening obediently and playing quietly in our lovely, light, and creativity-cultivating playroom, while someone else’s dinner is deliciously simmering in a crockpot on the counters in my light-infused, bright and energizing kitchen. And of course, there are the issues of comparisons…

But sometimes because of a blog post I can reevaluate and find comfort in my own skin. And that’s what happened the other day.

I was reading a post I found from pinterest that led me through a trail of links to a blog in which the author said: “It came to the point when working out and going grocery shopping was a big day, and I knew I had a problem. Something had to change.”

I thought about this and it ate at me all day. “I knew I had a problem. Something had to change.”

“I had a problem.”

“I needed to change.”

But did I? Really?

In all reality, this is a blinding truth for me. Let’s start with going grocery shopping: First we need “real” clothes for me and my children, something other than jammies and spit stained shirts. We need everyone fed (or to be prepared to deal with the inevitable tears and tantrums), visits to bathroom, change diapers on the remaining bottoms, pack the diaper bag, have a grocery list (oh my, a list >_<) and we haven’t even left the house yet! Then we need to drive the long 6 minutes to the store, suffer through the crying because at least one child despises her carseat, the search for a cart that will accommodate us, the instantaneous onset of the “want-this” virus, the negotiating, the patience needed, the time required, the count down until the next meltdown from hunger, dirty diapers, and/or exhaustion is ticking on. Going grocery shopping is a big day – and I haven’t even laced up shoes to think about working out.

This means I have a problem? This means something has to change? What do I need to change? How can I even change? Do I even want to change?

Then I read something by a woman who didn’t get into blogging before she passed away. She had a wealth of knowledge and experience regarding motherhood, wifehood, sisterhood, and self-hood (is that a word? Pretty sure it’s “a thing”). Luckily there are books written about her and bring together her wisdom and encouragement.

Marjorie P. Hinckley helped me take a little bit of pressure off and realign my vision. She said:

We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.

Not just learn to simplify, but learn about simplifying. That in and of itself sounds like it’ll be another post. What it is and what it isn’t. What does it benefit us to simplify our lives? In simplifying we need to decide what is important. Learning and then recognizing what can go and what needs to stay. We need to evaluate, analyze, and decide what is important. Then move along doing just that. Do what is important, but perhaps just as essential: do it at a comfortable pace. We may decide it is important, we may begin to move along in doing it, but if we run “faster than we have strength” we run the risk of losing any progress we make. Simplify, decide what is important, and move along at a pace comfortable for us.

We women “have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something”. Develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. I didn’t realize that there is a maturity that we can develop that will bring us to a state where we no longer feel the need to prove anything to anyone. For as long as I can remember I have been told and subsequently thought I am mature for my age. And when I was twelve, I took it as quite the compliment! But instead of finding a comfort, a reassurance, a sense of contentment in that maturity, as I grew I kept trying to prove something. Maybe I was trying to prove the very fact that I was mature. I had not developed that maturity that this wise woman spoke of. I was (and still find myself at times) trying to prove something to someone. There is a maturity that can be developed that will give us peace. We won’t be continually trying to prove something.

And in the last line of enlightenment her words are beautifully summarized.

“We need to learn to be content with what we are.”

I think the process comes in a bit more yoda-fashion: <insert yoda voice> what we are and be content with, we need to learn.

It takes some real humility, honesty, vulnerability to learn and admit “what we are”. What are we – at our core? What are our values? What makes us tick, gives us fulfillment,  raises our spirits? In the same breath, I think it’s important to know what is detrimental to our mental, spiritual, and emotional health. What are triggers that send us down a destructive path? What are warning signs that tell us we need to step back and reevaluate? What are we? What are you? What am I?

Do you thrive is the busyness of life? Do you need a slower pace? Does the inevitable noise in a home full of people (tall or small) spur you onward in joy or does it grate on you and make you irritable? Do you need people around, or time alone? Are you an all out kind of person or minimalist?  If you love a busy day, or need your planner blank – both are fine. You love a girls night out with a group of friends or a quiet night in alone – wonderful. You thrive in the chaos, unexpected, and crazy or do best when things are predictable, calm and still – embrace it. Are you a mix of all of it, depending on who is involved, why you’re doing it, where it’s taking place, what time of year (or month for that matter)? Hey, that is okay! The point is we need to learn and embrace who, what and where we are and then learn to be content with it.

Of course this doesn’t mean we are “stuck” and can’t change, or even that we shouldn’t change but we need to know how intentional change fits into our lives. How do we go about introducing change? How do we implement new things? It’s ok to connect to and learn from others, expand our horizons and gather insights, give and receive encouragement, in fact it’s beneficial and healthy to do so. As a wise woman once said “we women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.” So as I look at my schedule tomorrow and see that I need run an errand and know that I’ll eventually need to make dinner I know I’m tapped out. Recognizing my pace, knowing what I am, and being content with that frees my spirit to love more, serve my family better, shake off the outside pressures I imagine from another person’s blog. We are all moving along in this thing called life. Find what is important, attack it at your own pace. You have nothing to prove to me or anyone else. You are who you are, and you are extraordinary.